i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize
