You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
