So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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