it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize