My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
