I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize