I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
COCAINE IS GR8
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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