I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
