I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
