Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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