apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
