I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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