what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
