So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
