so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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