Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
