weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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