I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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