dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My penis needs a shock collar
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
