I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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