3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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