The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
