I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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