So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
