Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
