when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
