Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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