The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
