I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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