You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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