He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
