In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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