Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
