Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
