nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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