wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
