he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
