the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
