At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
