I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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