i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm getting married
To pizza
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
