I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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