So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
