his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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