It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
