real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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