You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
