maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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