you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize