kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She even gives head with a lisp.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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