omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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