The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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