I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
