the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize