Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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