my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
