I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
