I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
