so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
