do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Four minutes until I can fart!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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