id be glad to
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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