is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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