Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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