Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
