mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The adults are the big ones right?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize