apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
