Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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