I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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