I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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